Bloody Hell

Has been my refrain at my little green apron shop. Pronounced with a Scottish brogue so it comes out more like "Bloody Ell, Mate."

Last night I thought I was getting a visit from Santa Claus himself. An interesting old character walked in the door, just before close. He had a jolly old belly, a great big fur hat on his white head, and a diamond pinky ring. Linda directed him to me when he asked for a coffee expert, and knowing full well that it is poor customer service to pass him on again to someone truly knowledgable, I faked it. Me!

Anyway, we quickly bypassed the $2,000 Jura machine to look at the more appropriately priced Breville for $300. Visions of working as a barista 13 summers ago danced through my head as I expertly pulled on the frother hose and jabbed at the expresso holder thingy. He settled at last upon a Krups Combi, a fine choice, if I do say so myself, and pulled out a list that I thought for sure would have my name at the top. Turns out he was not Santa Claus but a dad whose firm is well-known with politicos around here (just before his order got royally screwed at the end I almost said are you ___?) Anyway, I thought it was great fun advising him because he used "bloody" as an adjective.

And, get this, the New Joisey town where my customer's daughter lives happens to have the same name as the street upon which I live. Get outta town! That just doesn't happen.

But, I have a dilemma. It is the one that everyone who has ever worked faces at one time or another. Scheduling. The sons of bitches scheduled me to work next Saturday. Now for The Jolly Mama loyalists, you know that I cannot work next Saturday because it is the day of the party that will be bigger than jesus. Yes, Browniefoot turns five next Saturday. And I have pledged to him that I will not labor again on December 15.

To call in sick or to take it like an adult.... That is the question. There is an unethical part of me that says "F it. I told them I was unavailable on that date. They only pay me $8.00 per hour. I'm not budging." (Sidenote: I don't know why everything is alway F this and F that. It's just part of my vernacular.) If I do that, I strategize, I must complete all of my xmas shopping there this weekend because I will lose my almight discount if I am summarily discharged from their employ for failure to report. But really, I am not going to work next weekend.