I know from my vast newsletter-writing experiences this is too many words to copy for re-publication (the limit is 50 words); however, since this is for personal and/or entertainment use only, I think I'm legally OK. I know, I know... Who cares? :)The key to transforming your relationship to stress is to stop letting it overwhelm you. More and more people are discovering that mind-body practices such as yoga, qi gong, and meditation can be hugely helpful in shifting the way they react to stress.
So how do you shift your perceptions so you no longer feel like one big rubber band about to snap? That's where yoga and other mind-body approaches come in. Yoga teaches you to tune in to what your body is telling you and to act accordingly.
With practice, this awareness will spread into other areas of your life, including your work. As you learn to separate the urge to act from the reaction, you begin to find that something like a canceled meeting or having a last-minute project handed to you may not rattle you as much as it
once did. You can detect stressors—what Buddhists call the spark before the flame—earlier, then pause long enough to think, "Well, maybe I don't need to respond.
The mental "Pause" is one button I'm still learning to push. It is the basis of Screamfree Parenting and is something I have long sought. In fact, I remember driving to the YMCA last winter to swim with the kids and praying for the ability to pause before acting or speaking, just for a moment, to gather my thoughts and speak/act with intention. It is so easy to become distracted and react rather than respond.
Last night I watched Super Nanny help the family of Wendy Wilson (daughter of Beach Boy Brian Wilson; she is the skinnier sister from Wilson Phillips because surely that's how she is differentiated by people of a certain age.) Wendy and her husband have a 4 y.o., 3 y.o., and newborn twins. Egad!!!!
As I explained to Brett, I like Super Nanny because for the first 20 minutes I think "No way. Ugh-ugh. Oh Helllllll no!" as I watch the kids go buckwild on their parents, quite confident of what I would do differently in place of these idiots. The second third of the show is tougher; that's the part where I realize I am not so very different from the tv. parents, and in fact, might be an even crappier parent. The final 20 minutes are pure catharsis. We all have a good cry and thank JoJo for saving our family with her good-hearted whimsy and no-nonsense British sensibility.
What I liked last night is that I saw Wendy (who I identified with a lot) give her children stern warnings when they misbehaved, up to and including, "The Squeeze."
Ah, the squeeze.
I've felt squeamish about posting on that topic for awhile, wondering what in the hell readers must be thinking of me. I remember reading something Vicki Iovine once wrote about giving her toddlers a squeeze that brought tears to their eyes and swearing off of her completely (and thinking she was absolute pure evil, even if she writes a parenting column in Child magazine and is the parenting contributor for a whole bunch of daytime talk shows).
So, I suppose I can understand where some people might be worried about the welfare of my poor children. But it turns out, what I do is normal, not bad. Even JoJo thinks the level with which I squeeze is fine. Here, squeezing must be defined as holding onto a child's arm, wrist, or nape of neck with the intention to keep them in one place while effectively communicating to them the need to slow their body and mind. I think part of the problem before was that I did not define what it is that I do. What squeezing is not, is pinching. It is not done to induce pain but to bring the out-of-control child into attentiveness. The yank would be the extreme form of this method. I'm a lot less confident about the yank. In fact, I don't know if I am less embarassed now than I was then, but whatever.... Parenting can be HARD but the lessons I am learning are worth any measure of pain. My pain. Not my children's. But I can't stop them from feeling pain. And sometimes I will cause them pain, unintentionally.
Oh for crying out loud! Basta!! Basta!! Basta!!
1 comment:
Ok, I have never ever seen you lose your temper or yell at your children. You are the mom that I try to be, so I can't believe that you would say that you are a worse mom than the mothers on Supernanny. Everytime I raise my voice, I think of you and remember to stay calm and speak calmly. The proof of your excellent parenting skills are your children. They are both so bright and well behaved. Griffin and Bela will always have a very special place in my heart. Maybe I should start using the squeeze and watching supernanny.
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