The GOOD Book

Hip, hip hooray!!! My library recently added Screamfree Parenting by Hal Runkel to its collection. Trying to get the book with Griffin and Bela in tow was a challenge worthy of the book.

While I am not much of a screamer, I am a squeezer, as in a squeeze of the wrist, arm, or nape of the neck, in order to get my point across to Griffin (as of yet, Bela has not *needed* such intervention). And, whereas I would NEVER EVER spank my children, I have been known to yank them.

These actions were so troublesome to me that earlier this summer I *confessed* them to my mom, a child protective services supervisor for the state. She said that what I was doing was not considered abuse. She even laughed at me a little bit because a lot of parents do these things all the time.

But it still bothers me... a lot. I did a lot of squeezing yesterday as my two little demons ran through the adult section of the library. Why? Because they were squealing with joy and laughing at each other. I couldn't find my book where it was supposed to be on the shelf. And I became consumed with worry about what the other patrons would think -- of me, as a mom, for letting my kids run amok.

Generally, my mantra is "I care far more how my family feels and far less what other people think." Yesterday in the library, however, was a different story.

In the car on the way home, I asked Griffin how it had made him feel when I was rough. Unsurprisingly, it did not make him feel good about himself. It made him scared. Together, he and I thought of other ways I could *show* him that I love him. He got over it much more quickly than I did, as I sit here today, embarassed and ashamed about an incident that rarely occurs.

As it turns out, when I gathered myself together to check out, the librarian told me that the book was in the front of the library with the other new books. DUH! Thankfully, she seemed to understand that if I'm looking for this book, then I might need a little extra help, and went to get the book for me.

So, now it's off to read the book because I NEVER want to be so out of control that I use my hands, even to just get someone's attention. While squeezing may not be abuse, it is absolutely not how I want to parent.